The Long Road Home
by lovethebroken
Summary: Their relationship hasn't been without 'problems' to say the least. After all of the close calls while playing 'Super Hero'–everything finally catches up with him. Now,after an accident that has left him physically inept. He begins to lose faith.Spoilers
1. Chapter 1

_So…I'm changing this story-just a bit. But I'm pretty sure that this made it better. I gave it more ground and depth. Hope ya'll enjoy. =)_

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

'_**I can't do this anymore Tony.'**_

Her voice was still clear as bell, ringing through his mind. Over and over.

'_**I can't watch you hurt anymore.'**_

He planted his aching feet inside the boots of his suit as the machine began to fit him with his gold and red armor. Time to play hero again. Save people he didn't know. People he actually cared nothing about. Those people were his responsibility though. He took a deep breath as her words rotated in his head over and over again like a bad song.

'_**I can't do this anymore Tony.'**_

That's what she told him early this morning around 6am. It was now 8am and he was off to fight crime, save the day. She was well on her way out of Malibu by now, bags packed, and all ties severed. To him at least. She wasn't coming back.

_And he was letting her go…_

He bit his lip to prevent tears from forming in his eyes. He needed to _focus_. He had a mission to do now. One that was on the top ten lists according to Rhodes. He needed to concentrate. He took in a deep shaky breath. He wasn't sure how it would feel coming home to an empty house after a tiring battle. After he did his 'superhero' duties, as Pepper called them.

'_**I can't do this anymore Tony.'**_

"She left," he whispered to himself as the machine finished with the assembly. His face was blank, eyes empty. He didn't need to go on this mission, not like this. He shook his head. It had to be done. He needed to go. He swallowed dryly and silently took a breath. His heart _ached _so bad, he grimaced as the pain rippled through his chest. He couldn't make it without her. He was very well aware of that. He could always hire someone else to take care of his personal and business affairs, but Pepper…

She took care of_…him_.

"Sir, I'm concerned," Jarvis stated.

_And he was letting her go…_

Tony looked down at his hands as he flexed his fingers in the red iron gloves, "I programmed you to be sophisticated and smart, not caring and nosey Jarvis."

Jarvis ignored his comment, "I'm reading a dramatic difference in brain waves Sir." He was known for bypassing instructions from time to time. A flaw that Tony was sure he would never fix. He secretly enjoyed the fact that Jarvis was, well, sort of…his friend.

Tony sniffed as he looked back up at the tunnel ahead of him. Freedom. Or so he used to think. "That's called my heart breaking Jarvis. You're lucky you can't feel."

_And he was letting her go…_

His helmet closed, revealing a hardened metal face with light glowing eyes. He could hide behind the mask. He just couldn't hide from her. Never. A part of him wanted to go after her. A part of him wanted to be the superhero that he had become. He let out a long sigh. He knew he couldn't do both and that's what was killing him the most. He had to choose. Before his mind had the chance to think, to choose…he found himself swooshing through the tunnel without hesitation. _'Off to save the day'_, he could hear her saying unhappily.

As he passed through the clouds, his mind trailed back to the beginning. It had been one of the best times in his life. No, most certainly, the overall best. After everything that had happened with Obadiah, he realized what was important to him. What was 'most' important to him in his life. The feisty red headed love of his life. It had been at least three weeks before they began 'dating'. He had asked her out for lunch one day and then dinner that night, and then bought her breakfast the next morning. It had been completely unexpected.

He remembered waking up the next morning smelling her on his skin. The soft body pressed against him creating such amazing warmth in him. The feeling was like none other than he had ever known. Of course, every other woman he had ever had in his bed, he wasn't in love with. His love was leaving. He could probably pass over her car, make her stop. But he continued in the opposite direction. Maybe in some screwed up way he was doing this for her. Doing some sort of favor, _for her_. So that she didn't have to worry, so she wouldn't have to care so much.

'_**I can't do this anymore Tony.'**_

He still couldn't believe she left. She. Left. Him. There was a beep and Rhodey's picture popped up in his side vision. "Yea."

Rhodes never missed a beat, "My men and I are trapped. We are gettin' pounded here!"

Tony could hear yelling, bombs, gun fire…_fear_. He knew he had chosen correctly. _Are you sure?_ He thought suddenly.

"Two minutes out," Tony said flatly as he kicked it into a higher gear. He could hear her voice, her delicate voice tinged with anger. '_Gotta' hurry Tony, time to play superhero..'_

She wouldn't leave his head. Tony had a feeling she never would.

_Faster_, he thought. _They are in trouble Tony_. He was always pushing himself further and further. _Was it worth it?_ He sighed.

'_That's it Tony…just runaway. Runaway, like you always do.'_

No, he didn't think she'd ever leave his head…or his heart.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

He was thanked by a few soldiers, some gave him a silent nod of appreciation, and others couldn't give a rat's ass that he flew in and saved the day. He was used to it by now. His head was killing him. He needed a drink. He glanced over at Rhodes. He was checking on his men, as usual. Rhodes was a good man. A good friend. Pepper deserved someone like Rhodes. His visor on his helmet rolled back. Just a little bit of hot, fresh desert air. He shut his eyes and inhaled. _Pepper…please come back to me._

He opened his eyes just in time to see Rhodey turn, wide eyed and shocked. He shouted something just as an explosion sent Tony flying. He hit the ground hard and rolled a few times. There was a sudden heat that crept up his back to his neck.

_What the hell? _

He tried to lift himself off the ground, but suddenly another explosion sent him twenty more feet. He was on his back starring at the sky, sweat and blood burning his eyes. There was pain in his back and God, it was unbelievable. But at the moment, all he could think about was how she had just left him. He sucked in a breath as tears rolled down his face into his blood matted hair. His breath was coming out in short bursts_. It hurts._ He couldn't tell if it was from the gaping hole in his heart or if this was physical pain from an injury somewhere. Either way, they both were hurting incredibly bad.

"Tony!" Rhodes shouted. He seemed far away. Where was he? All he could see dust, blinking several times as he turned his head. There was a ceiling now, _wait_, wasn't he just looking the sky?

"Tony!" Rhodes yelled again. _Can he not find me?_

"Here," he replied roughly. The pain was beginning to worsen. It was definitely physical. At least Pepper wouldn't have to seem like this. Rhodes was there, out of no where along with three other specials.

"Where are you injured?" Rhodes said quickly as one of the other men stared at something with wide eyes. He mumbled something that Tony couldn't quite understand.

"This sucks huh? Help me up?" Tony grunted. Rhodes looked unsure. Even the men surrounding him glanced at each other. "Damnit, just fucking _help_ me."

Tony was positive if he could just stand- the pain would subside._ Please… _The men surrounded him and helped pull him up. He grunted and moaned. His expectations, his hope subsided…the pain didn't stop_. _It shot through his body like a million knifes stabbing at his muscles. "Oh God."

Rhodes starting shouting orders to his men to get the chopper ready. People were yelling-running everywhere. They were taking him to Milton. Tony shook his head, "No…I'll meet you at the house. I need to get this armor off. Something…something, fuck…something's there."

"It's twisted…I'm not sure you can fly…" Rhodes and two other men held onto him as he knees buckled slightly. If he didn't get in the air now, he wouldn't be able to make it back.

"It's fine." He pushed out of the men's grip as his helmet shut suddenly and he stepped over debris from the building he had landed in. He tried not to stumble, his legs were weak, the pain was throbbing, and his body was felt suddenly hot. "Get me home Jarvis."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

=)


	2. Chapter 2

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

He could feel his heart pounding in his ears as Jarvis and Rhodes tried to remove his armor. The sweat trickling down in his eye caused them to burn. The pain in his back and side were escalating. It had been throbbing constantly for almost an hour now. The pain was almost unbearable. He was surprised he managed to fly back home. _Pepper, Pepper… _His eyes roamed the room for her._ Pepper…where's Pepper? _His heart sped up briefly_. She left you, remember_?

"Oh," he mumbled.

"Hang on man, we're almost there," Rhodes said pulling one of the last few pieces off. Tony let out a sigh of relief and a grunt as he fell to the ground on his hands and knees. He was finally free of the suit. He eyes moved to his mangled armor. A jagged piece about five inches long was covered in blood. He felt dizzy as he blinked rapidly.

"I'm reading four broken ribs, three fractured disk, internal bleeding from the left kidney and a concussion Sir."

His gaze moved to the pool of blood forming underneath him. He felt weak. He was going to die. It hit him like a ton of bricks. He was going to die…here…now. This will be good, he decided. She can move on now. He tried to move forward, but his body didn't respond. He couldn't feel his left leg. _Probably not a good thing…huh, Superhero?_

"They'll be here any second and then we'll get you to a hospital Tony. Just hold on," Rhodes said as Tony closed his eyes trying to breath. Trying to ignore the pain. _Pepper, I'm sorry…_

He heard the clicking of heels on concrete. Was he hallucinating? His eyes shot opened. _**'I can't do this anymore Tony.' **_Itechoed in his mind. She was back. It was her. _Pepper. _He was about to die. She couldn't see him like this. _No._

"Pep…," that was all that escaped his lips. _Please go. You can't see this_, he mentally finished.

He glanced up at the redhead. Rhodes must have called her. He didn't know about the argument. About how she _left him_…for good this time. She was panicked, her face lined with tears and her hands shaking. He imagined he looked like a sight. His hair plastered to his forehead from sweat and blood. His grey shirt soaked with blood from the deep gash in his back. He was pretty sure he had tears coming out of his own eyes.

"Oh my God," Pepper said as her knees grew weak and dropped out from underneath her. She collapsed hard on the floor as the Military dressed man swarmed in with a stretcher and various medical supplies. They were all shouting and giving orders. He couldn't hear any of it. All he could do was stare at her. He memorized her face trying to use it as a lifeline to stay. His eyes pained and tears streaming down quickly. He couldn't leave her. She should have stayed away from him. He ruined her.

'_**I can't do this anymore Tony.'**_

He grimaced as he shifted giving a painful growl. He needed to tell her he loved her. That he was sorry, but she needed to leave. His breath hitched in his chest. _But what if…what if she was back?_ Had she come back to him?

"We need to air-vac him to Milton Base! Now!" Rhodes shouted. Four of the men scrambled to Stark's side.

"Sir, your heart rate is spiking," Jarvis stated calmly. The only one that was Tony suspected. He wanted to laugh at that, but couldn't find the energy.

Tony's eyes grew wide as the men picked him up and eased him on the stretcher. There was nothing easy about it. He gave a pained scream. From the corner of his eye, he saw Pepper reach out for him suddenly, but she was too far away.

"Tony!" He heard her yell. He felt his heart beat faster. He was about to loose consciousness. He could feel it. He was going to die here. In front of her. _God, please. Just this one thing. Don't let me die in front of her._

"I'm…I'm alright…Pepper….I'm okay…"

"Tony!" She yelled again. He breathed heavier as his vision went black. The last thing he heard was her voice calling his name.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Short. :-/

Next Chap -posting tonight. :)


	3. Chapter 3

_Enjoy. =)_

_FYI- the dark bold prints are conversations or memories._

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox_

She felt like she had been there for days, but the truth, it was just seven hours. Seven long hours of waiting. Seven hours of staring at the floor praying that he would be okay. Seven hours of constantly apologizing to Tony in her head, over and over. Then scolding him over and over again for being an idiot in a freaking red and gold iron suit. She rubbed the bridge of her nose. Waiting had it pros and cons. One of the cons was watching Rhodes pace. Or maybe it was a pro. She wanted someone to pay for this. Somehow she blamed Rhodes. He was there…was he not? Surely this could have been avoided. Surely.

_You should be ten hours away from here._

A long sigh escaped her lips. She just wanted answers about Tony. She was so tired of this freaking military hospital with its black sludge coffee and stale peanut butter crackers that were in bits and pieces. She was starving, sleepy, and was pretty sure she favored death warmed over. She had discarded her suit jacket about five hours ago. It laid in a bundle in the chair next to her along with her purse. Which she had cleaned out twice, it was considerably lighter. Pulling at her straps on her purple spaghetti strapped blouse she rolled her eyes. She was extremely uncomfortable in this getup. Her car was just right outside and in fact, she could go change, but the thought of the news being delivered without her here made her queasy. And if it turned out to be bad, she knew Rhodes wouldn't tell her.

She lifted her eyes to the window, the sun was setting and it was gorgeous. Her eyes became clouded with tears. They used to watch sunsets in the beginning.

'_**They should have named the sunsets, Pepper, instead of sunset. I can hear people saying now, 'Hey, wanna go watch a Pepper with me?' I think it has a ring to it.'**_

'_**I like the word sunset Tony.'**_

'_**I love the word Pepper. Wow, isn't this Pepper beautiful?'**_

_**And she laughed.**_

Not anymore. There wasn't anytime with all of the 'crime fighting'. Being a 'superhero' really had a terrible affect on your love life or well, just life in general. She caught Rhodes looking at her- he quickly looked away.

She let out a frustrated sigh. She wished he would just say something to her. After five hours, silence is deafening, "You keep staring. What?"

Rhodes pursed his lips tightly. She looked him full on in the face. His eyes looked tired, his hands were slightly trembling probably from lack of food, she assumed. His combat attire was filthy. There were blood stains on them. Whether it was Tony's or a fallen solider from his Unit, she wasn't sure. Honestly, she didn't want to know. It startled her though, he almost looked too human. Too vulnerable. All these damned men in her life, they all thought they were some sort of superhero's.

And she was stuck in the middle of it.

_You could almost be to Washington now. _She shoved the thought out of her mind quickly.

"You've not said much in a while," he said quietly as he looked at the space between them. He didn't want to face her. She watched him closely and suddenly wondered why she was sitting so far away from him_. Because you're pissed, remember? _She shook her head.

"I'm just thinking about things," she said before taking a sip of her coffee and then shortly after made a face_. Disgusting_. She stood up and crossed the room tossing the coffee into the trashcan. She closed her eyes tightly and rubbed her hands over her bare arms. She sighed. _Don't say anything._

"I left him." Her willpower to shut her mouth was amazing.

Rhodes remained silent, so she continued, "This morning. I warned him…that if this was the life he wanted then I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't stand by his side and condone this madness. He was just hurting himself over and over."

She turned sharply on her heels and casually strolled to her seat while twisting her hands in knots against her stomach. She shook her head_. He didn't choose you._

"You know what he said?"

Rhodes shook his head quietly, "What?"

"That…that I didn't need him like they need him." She scoffed, running her sweaty palms over her knees. Her dark grey pant suit was wrinkled beyond ironing_. He didn't choose you. _She looked terrible and felt horrible.

'_**I have to do this Pepper. They need me. They need me to save them!'**_

'_**And what about me? Do I not need you?'**_

'_**You do just fine without me. Or you know what, at least you tell me every damn day that you can make it without me. So you tell me.'**_

'_**Is that what you think Tony?'**_

'_**I have to go. They are expecting me. They're about to be under attack.'**_

'_**Fine. **__**That's it Tony…just runaway. Runaway, like you always do. Go!'**_

'_**It's my fucking job Pepper. What the hell would you have me do?'**_

'_**Me or the suit?'**_

'_**Excuse me?'**_

"Excuse me, Ms. Potts?"

She whipped her head around toward the doctor in green scrubs. She couldn't remember what his name was and at the moment she didn't give a damn. She spoke, her voice high with emotion, "How is he?"

The tall older man took a breath. His blue eyes were sad. _Oh God...please, no. _He nodded slowly, "Well, he sustained significant damage to his spine. Four of his ribs were broken and he did have a mild concussion. The damage to his spine…is a bit more technical. His ribs will heal in all due time, but…"

He huffed before he continued, "He won't be wearing his suit for a while. We're not sure what's all been effected, but as of right now the lumbar region of his spinal cord is severely damaged. He has 45 percent leg usage at the moment."

Her body sunk down into the chair behind her. Her hand on her chest_. 45 percent? Now what?_ God, she was such a fool for saying those things to him…those awful things. Rhodes laid his hand on her shoulder. And for that she was glad, she couldn't speak. She wasn't sure if she was even feeling anything beside this deep ache that surged through her heart.

"Will he be able to walk?"

"With therapy there are numerous options for him to be able to move about. Continuing in daily activities…"

Pepper interrupted, her voice straining between anger and pain, "Will he…be able to walk?"

"The 45 percent is declining as we speak. The damage was far worse than anyone could have intended. We simply didn't get to the damage in time. His main means of walking, right now, will be a wheelchair. But then, I can't tell or even begin to predict what the human body will do. There is always a possibility."

She was shaking. He'd never walk. Ever again. She shut her eyes and squeezed them together tightly.

'_**You can't even save yourself Tony. How can you save some complete stranger?'**_

'_**I have to go Pepper. Rhodes and his men are in trouble.'**_

'_**Then don't expect me here when you get back.'**_

'_**Maybe that's for the best then.'**_

"Um…I…uh…is he awake…I mean are we allowed to see him…at all?" She stumbled through her thoughts. _This is not happening. This is a dream._ She sucked in a haggard breath. A wheelchair? The great Tony Stark.

He wouldn't be able to walk.

_You should be in Washington by now. He should be saving the world._

She wiped away her tears as they began falling. _This can't be happening_.

She waited outside Tony's room. Room 145. The hall was an awful color of yellow. It made her think of dead Marigolds. The smell was too clean. There was a chill in the air. She griped her purse along with her wrinkled suit jacket tighter. Rhodes had been in there for almost 45 minutes. She could have gone in, but she was working up to it. After everything that they had said to one another…would he even _want_ to see her? The nurses eyed her closely as Pepper patted her foot on the ground impatiently. Regardless of what was said, she still loved. She still cared for him. She should be in there. _Right?_ That was it. This was it.

She eased to the door. She could hear Jim's voice saying something. She pushed open the door slowly. This wasn't the first time that she had been in a hospital room to see Tony, but it was the first time for him being…

_Handicapped?_ God, she hated that word already.

She met Rhodey's eyes as he kept on talking to Tony, whose eyes were closed. Maybe she had waited too long to see him. She should have just left after she found out he was okay.

'_Maybe that's for the best then.' _She took in an uneasy breath as she closed the door behind her.

Rhodes stopped and gave his full attention to Pepper, "I was giving him an unofficial debriefing."

She swallowed as she watched Tony's eyes opened slowly and search around the room. They fell on her and instantly became shiny. Clearly he wasn't expecting her to be here. Maybe she should have left. She pointed at the door and started to turn, "I'm just…"

Rhodes spoke quickly, "Hey man…I'm going to hit the road. I'll be around tomorrow to check in."

Tony gave a small smile, "Bring me back a scotch or two. Mixes well with morphine."

Rhodes gave a wholesome laugh, "I'll sneak it in. Glad to see you breathing."

He walked by her and gave a small nod, "Pepper."

She swallowed as she watched as the door closed. _And then there were two_, she thought biting her lip. She moved forward taking Jim's chair beside the solid white hospital bed. She gazed at the beeping machines and the flashing lights and the four bags filled with different kinds of solutions. _This is a dream._ He followed her gaze with his eyes and gave a short sigh, "It's not as bad as it looks."

"Yea," she said flatly. She brushed the tears away, not meeting his eyes. He grunted a bit as he moved. She looked up, eyes wide with fear.

"It's fine. Just a bit of pain," he said with a hiss. He closed his eyes, "Guess Superhero's can get hurt."

"Tony…"

"No. You were right," he said firmly meeting her eyes. She scrunched her eyebrows feeling angry.

"I don't want to be right Tony." He searched her eyes as she continued, "I just want you in one whole piece."

As soon as she said it, she wanted a do-over. She wanted to go back to this morning. Start over- make him stay home. He looked down at his legs for the longest time. "Tony, I…"

"I'm feeling really tired Pepper. You think, maybe, we could do this tomorrow?"

He never once looked at her as he spoke. She silently gathered her things and nodded. The tears gathered in her eyes. She should have left. She chewed on her lip, "I don't have anywhere to stay…so if you don't mind…"

"That's fine." He said quickly. It was clear he wanted her to leave.

_You should be in Washington by now. He should be saving the world._

_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX_

_How was it?_


	4. Chapter 4

_an: bold italics are scenes or memories from the past._

_also fyi on mistakes...i have no beta._

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At some point, a point that he couldn't quite remember, he had figured out that he was never going to walk again. Ever. Whether it was the point where he couldn't move his legs to get out of the bed to use the bathroom on his own…or the point that he couldn't feel the sharp jab of a needle as the doctors tested the nerves in his legs. It was then after that they sent him for more tests, discovering that his nerves had been completely damaged. This meant that they couldn't repair them or they couldn't repair _him_, rather. He remembers sitting in his hospital bed in dark green cotton pajamas that Rhodes had brought him from Target because the thought of his ass showing every time he maneuvered himself in the bed angered him. That was just one of the things that made him see red. He remembered staring at his legs for two straight hours pinching his thigh as hard as he could just to watch blood form from nail shaped wounds and the saddest part, he felt absolutely nothing.

After two and half months of being in the hospital- it hadn't gotten any better. The pity was another thing he hated with a passion. Rhodes had enough compassion for him that it could fill the Grand Canyon, twice. Pepper though, he wasn't sure what she had. She would come in every other day, sit quietly in the chair by his window and read over her Blackberry or bring her Nook that he had bought her for Christmas last year. Her dress had somewhat changed also and this confused him even more. Her regular pant and skirt suits had been transformed into regular cotton or even jean skirts combined with flats. _Flats? _Her blouses had become delicate prints and her hair was mostly down, everyday. It taunted him, reminding him that he couldn't just walk to her and run his fingers through the long wavy tresses. And the flats- he assumed were because he was in a wheelchair now. _Cripple_ was the word that ran through his head about a billion times a day.

"You ready to break out of this place?"

Tony turned his head toward the door not surprised to see Pepper trailing closely behind Rhodes. They had been showing up together for the past two weeks. It didn't matter anymore if they were dating or not because it wasn't his business. Not anymore.

"I'm missing my liquor cabinet," Tony joked as he gave a big white grin. Truth was though, it wasn't a joke. Not entirely. Rhodes didn't catch it, but he was positive that Pepper had. She always could read him so well.

Pepper looked amazing today, not that she didn't everyday, but today in particular. The light blue cotton skirt hugged her hips just so and the white shirt seemed to dip down almost too low. He shifted his eyes away from her before she could catch him staring.

"How are you feeling today?" His eyes flew back to his…assistant and he resisted the urge to let his eyes roam over her once more.

Tony let a small, tiny smile pull one side of his mouth up and he nodded, "Better and better everyday."

Rhodes stepped around to talk to one of the nurses, he assumed. Pepper kept her eyes on him with a disapproving frown on her porcelain face. Tony sighed.

'_**For once I wish you could be honest with me Tony.'**_

He licked his lips as he looked down at paisley blue blanket his legs were covered with. He hated this blanket. He would love to burn it. "I don't hurt that much anymore."

'_**I saw you with her Tony. Is there more? Tell me.'**_

She nodded, satisfied, for now. He rubbed his head willing the thoughts to go away. Laying in a hospital bed for two and half months was making him relive his life. The good and depressing…more so depressing.

He looked over for Rhodes, who was still outside, talking with the raven haired nurse. Tony liked to call her the crow. She was vicious and definitely not nice. Although, Rhodes seemed to have her laughing and smiling. Maybe it was just him. _Hmm. _His eyes landed back on Pepper who had made herself comfortable in her usual chair.

"Do you remember…" he paused. Did he really want to do this? The past was supposed to be the past, but as he recalled…he never apologized for it.

'_**She's just an investor. Jesus, Pepper, it's not like I slept with her.'**_

'_**Yes but it was extremely clear what she wanted when I walked in and her hand down your pants!'**_

He had never cheated on her, not once, and the one moment- the one moment where he's in a compromising position, she walks in. Perfect. _Just fucking perfect_. _You moron._

Pepper had her hands place idly in her lap, waiting for Tony to continue. He didn't. She searched his face as he stared at the window. She sighed softly, "Don't bring it up."

He continued despite her small plea, "I just wanted…you know…you have a lot of time to think in this place. And…I think about a lot of things. You….you are always number one on my list. All the things…I'm truly sorry."

Searching her face for some sort of acceptance, he found none. Her face was solid, eyes never wavering off of his. It was like they were in a staring competition and he was going to fail miserably. He blinked a few times and looked at the door praying for Rhodey to come back- to end this awkwardness between them.

"It's okay Tony. I understand," he snapped his head back to her quickly. His eyes wide as a deer's are in headlights. She rubbed her hands over and over again as if she were applying some thick lotion. "In fact, there is something I probably need to tell you…"

"Alright, let's get you out of here. Nurse Wanda has graciously prepared your discharge papers," Nice timing Rhodes. Just perfect. _Go away_. Pepper was already standing gathering his things shoving them into bags. She was as quiet as a mouse. Chances they would have this heart to heart again? Zero to none.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The ride home was dreadful to say the least. He wasn't ready to go back into a home that was made for _legs. _No matter how many changes that were made, it was still made for _legs_. But nevertheless, Rhodes kept rambling on and on how they had made changes to his home to make it more comfortable for him. He was starting to hate the word comfortable. Day in and day out, night after night of nurses coming in to ask him if he was _comfortable_. He was sick of the word and its empty meaning. He was in the front seat of Rhodes' car nervously tapping his thumb on his leg. It still amazed him that he couldn't feel anything. _Having fun yet Tony? _He sighed. No.

"I was thinking we could order pizza. Just hang out at the place. Kind of like a small coming home party," Rhodes said with a smile. It sickened Tony. He'd rather not celebrate this wreck of a life. Coming home in a wheelchair wasn't something Tony wanted to celebrate. Tony shrugged as he stared out the window silently. Couldn't a man wallow in self pity…alone?

"Maybe we could do that another day. I'm sure he just wants to settle back in tonight and rest," God bless Pepper for knowing him so well.

Rhodes nodded, clearly unhappy with the suggestion, "Okay."

After that, there was nothing else to be said.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Getting out of the car wasn't as hard as he had thought it was going to be. Trying to remember the brake so that you don't fall on your ass as the wheelchair rolls away…difficult. He snapped at Rhodes as he asked for the third time if Tony was okay. Funny thing, this symptom that he had, he felt falling onto the concrete just fine. He ass was killing him now. The only thing affected from the damage was the usage of his legs. Sometimes it tingled up through the left side of his hip toward his stomach and he worried that one day all the feeling in his hips would disappear. Forever. At the moment, he didn't have use of bags to hold his piss and shit. And he would like to keep it that way. His last ounce of dignity. Maybe if he starting praying hard enough, God would spare him that final embarrassment.

"I'll get the bags."

Rhodes hurried back to the car leaving him and Pepper to stand in silence. The doors of his home stared back at him as if daring him to enter. If he even could. She moved toward the door and Tony spoke quickly, "Let me."

Pepper's blue eyes widened momentarily and she moved out of the way. She probably thought he was being insane, but if this was his life. If this was what was left of his shitty life then he needed to learn to do things himself. He pushed himself to the door and Pepper handed him the keys. He inserted the key quickly as if he hadn't stopped for almost three months. He shoved the door open and a cool burst of air hit him along with Jarvis' voice.

"Welcome home sir." _Unfortunately._

"Jarvis. Have any wild party's will I was on vacation?" He quipped as he dumped the keys in his lap and wheeled himself in. Pepper followed cautiously as if waiting for him to explode. He dumped the keys on the table in the foyer. Like he would be needing them anyways. He couldn't leave without a chauffer. Kind of hard to drive with no legs. _Cripple_.

"I restrained myself sir. Good afternoon Miss Potts."

She smiled as she closed the door, "Hey Jarvis."

Tony gnawed on his cheek as he wheeled into the kitchen. He took in a breath as he stopped abruptly. He studied the kitchen as he griped the wheels tightly making his knuckles ache. Pepper stepped behind him, "I picked the cabinets out. I liked them."

The cabinets were a cherry wood with etched glass in them. He could see right through them. The cups, plates, and bowls had been moved from the upper level cabinets. The pots and pans were underneath the island now. He wasn't quite sure how he would ever cook anything, but at least he could still reach the coffee maker and microwave. It was as if he was incompetent. Just merely a child.

"Rhodes has made a few manufactures to the stairs. As soon as you approach the stairs Jarvis will immediately lower the stairs into a ramp. The only stairs that won't change are the ones leading down to the garage. We figured since you had the elevator…"

"Good." He cut her off abruptly. He wasn't interested in being reminded that he wasn't able to walk.

Rhodes suddenly burst through the front door holding two duffels and a white bag, "Alright, here are the bags. Man, seriously, you were only there for like three months. How in the hell did you acquire this much crap?"

Tony swiveled around and swallowed. He shifted his eyes back and forth between the two then grabbed the bottle of scotch from the counter, placed it in his lap, and then silently pushed himself slowly toward his bedroom. He caught the tears forming in Pepper's eyes. He bit his lip hard to prevent his own from flowing.

'_**Had enough of me already Tony?'**_

He could hear her whispering to Rhodes about getting the bags later and that he should go. _Yes_. He should. _They both should_, he though angrily.

As if insult to punishment the stairs suddenly changed as Pepper had said. He squeezed his eyes tightly as he paused and then opened them continuing his task of retreating to his bedroom. The plan was, well, he wasn't sure of the plan right now. He was sure of one thing…the bottle of scotch would be empty by morning. He heard Rhodes call out, "See you later man. Get some rest."

He didn't speak, he didn't wave, he didn't even turn to nod. He ignored him as he entered his bedroom. It was a bit of a tight fit. He slammed the door without thinking. Tony rubbed his aching eyes letting a few tears slide down his cheeks. He was such a screw up. If he had just stayed.

'_**I can't do this anymore Tony.'**_

Yes. Well, neither could he.

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_Hope you enjoyed! Please review! Thank you. =)_


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you so much for reading...and the reviews.

=)

*throws out cyber cookies*

an: reminder: dark italics are memories.

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He had spent the first days of his homecoming were spent either laying in bed, sitting in his chair, watching television, or staring outside…he never once left the sanctuary of his bedroom. It took a couple of tries before he mastered getting himself undressed and into the shower. Pepper never offered her help. He thought she might be afraid to ask. He viewed himself as a ticking time bomb. He would throw things, spew out profanities, and cry often. He would cry when he 'thought' she wasn't looking.

She would sneak into the room, as quiet as a mouse leaving a tray of food and two bottles of water with his medication. Later on- she would check on him…bring another bottle of water and take the tray, touched or untouched. Remove any empty liquor bottles. She didn't approve, but she wouldn't say a word.

Some days he didn't feel like eating, but she kept bringing him food. She wouldn't stop…even after he threw a pillow at her telling her to get the hell away from him. The tray fell to the ground with a loud crash…eggs, bacon, hash browns with tobacco sauce scattered everywhere.

'_**I don't want you here. Get the hell out!'**_

'_**Just eat something, please. It's been days Tony. You can't just drink alcohol all the time. You'll kill yourself.'**_

'_**And that would be a bad thing?' **_

She clamped her mouth shut and calmly cleaned up the mess and later returned with a cup of coffee and his paper. When she returned to retrieve the empty mug, he was passed out on the bed, the bottle of scotch empty on the nightstand. She sighed as she picked up the mug and the bottle. She almost missed the note lying beside the lamp.

_-I'm Sorry Pepper._

_You know I would never._

After three weeks…things _should_ be getting better, but they weren't.

His eyes opened quickly from sleep upon hearing a crash and a soft cry echoing through the house. He sat up and looked around, "Pepper?"

He looked down at his alarm clock, but suddenly recalled hurling it against the wall last week. _'Idiot.'_ He pulled his chair closer to the bed and hoisted himself into it, adjusted his legs, and set off toward the door. It was standing open. There was tray of food lying forgotten on the dresser beside the door. Steam was still rising about the bowl of oatmeal. He scrunched his eyebrows in concern-usually she woke him.

"Pepper?"

"In here."

The wheels of his chair glided smoothly down the hallway. Much easier than that damned carpet- maybe he should have the flooring replaced. He let out a breath as he saw her sitting on the floor holding her left hand, blood slowly trickling down her forearm. Tears falling down her face freely. Her t-shirt and cotton pajama bottoms were sprinkled with blood, her hair falling from her ponytail. She looked tired, worn, sad…had he done _this_? He was being so selfish. "What happened? Are you alright?"

He gently tugged on her arm surveying the damage. There were a few pieces of glass that needed to be removed. She huffed, "I forgot your coffee. So, I went back to the kitchen and then was thinking you might like some orange juice and then I tripped and fell…and now…"

She sucked in a breath before shedding more tears, "I'm so clumsy…I'm tired. I can't sleep. I'm a mess. Look at me? I used to run your life and now I can't even manage carrying juice."

He chuckled. He actually chuckled. Her eyes grew wide and she slapped his leg with her good hand, ignoring the fact that he couldn't feel the touch, but he saw the motion. It still had the same effect. "Jerk."

Pepper met his eyes and challenged him silently to a staring contest. They both broke out in smiles. Real smiles like they used to. For a moment, it was as if nothing ever happened. He tugged on her to stand, "Come on. Hop on."

"What?" Maybe as if nothing ever happened.

He patted his leg, "Give you a ride in my Mercedes here."

She stared wearily at him and began to shake her head, but he interrupted her, "Not like you're gonna hurt anything. Hop on."

She paused a few moments before settling herself in his lap dangling her legs with his. He smirked and gave a nod. Finally, he could do something to help her. She, on the other hand, wasn't sure how to act yet. He had been so sensitive to his condition for the past three weeks…she wasn't sure what to say or how to even treat him. He was quiet as he wheeled onto the elevator and waited patiently for the door to open into his garage. '_I should install elevator music._' His eyes wondered around his shop as he wheeled them off of the elevator. He hadn't been in here since the accident. It was foreign to him. He tried not to think about it. Swallowing as he stopped in front of the cabinets next to the sink.  
"Can you reach the first aide kit out of the top cabinet?"

She immediately turned, easing off of his lap and reached for the kit. He tried not to let his eyes wonder over her body as she stretched, her shirt riding up a bit. He looked away and bit his lip, his resolve faded quickly as he shifted his eyes back to her and took notice how much fuller her hips were.

"I can clean myself up Tony…"

His eyes shot up to meet hers, afraid he had been caught, "No, no…I want to."

She finally sat down with a towel and the first aide kit. He could reach over the side of the table just fine. She studied him as he carefully washed the area off and cleaned it slowly. He needed to shave. Of course, he still looked sexy with almost 'too' much facial hair, but he needed to take care of himself. Maybe if she offered to do it for him- he would accept the help or maybe not.

"You're doing too much Pepper," his voice pierced through the silence hard. '_Way to sound like an ass.'_

She stared at him silently and winced as he picked out two more pieces of glass. He sighed, "You've done enough. Putting up with me…my rants. I know I'm an ass. I just…after this…"

He paused and quietly let the pieces of glass fall off to the side. She waited for him to continue for what seemed forever. He exhaled with a snort, "Besides…you should be hanging out with friends…Rhodes. Having fun. Somewhere else besides with the grumpy crippled."

He tried to give a laugh at the end to make it some kind of joke, but it failed, horribly. Her face hardened, "You are not a cripple."

"I don't think of this wheelchair as a fashion accessory Pepper. Call it what it is," he cringed inside regretting that his voice turned harsh at the end.

"You are an ass. Here I am busting mine…hoping you will see the damn light at the end of the tunnel and there's nothing. You don't give a shit and I'm starting to think why should I?"

She wiped away a few angry tears. He shifted his eyes back down and said nothing in response as he finished dressing her arm, and then, starting putting the medical supplies away. She was sitting quietly, boiling over. He tossed the case onto the counter and the towel into the sink. "Why did you even stay? Now…you're cleaning up after me, cooking for me…like you're some damn servant? That's not your responsibility. I'm not your responsibility."

"You needed me. Why wouldn't I stay?"

'_She needs to leave. If she doesn't leave now, she'll just be taking care of you for the rest of her life. Can't have that can we Tony?' _No. He shook his head and began to wheel himself back to the elevator, "You need to leave."

"What?" She whispered, not believing her ears. She still sat at the table- stunned.

"Do what you first set out to do. You wanted to leave me. Don't let me hold you back. In fact, you have my blessing. Hope you two live a happy fucking life together."

He wheeled onto the elevator. Before the door closed, she stopped it. "Pepper…" he warned.

"What the hell are talking about?"

"I know, okay. I know." Her face drained of its color. She sputtered for a moment and shut her eyes.

"I should have told you sooner."

"Don't worry…I saw enough. Put two and two together. My legs are damaged, not my brain." He pushed the 'close' button once more. He growled as Pepper stepped in the elevator. He was trying to get _away_ from her.

"Look…there wasn't enough time. I wasn't sure when to tell you. I was so upset because you were rushing off to save the world." The doors opened and he darted out as quickly as he could, but the next phrase made him freeze, "I found out just before the accident."

"Found out?" He spun around. "Found out what?"

"What?" She looked a mess in her blood spotted clothes, her hair falling down, but Tony…thought she was gorgeous. This was the woman who had been the center point of his affection for so long. He pushed the thoughts out of his head. "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you and Rhodes. What are you talking about?" His gaze was hard on her as she stepped away from him. Had he not heard them correctly? Surely he wasn't mistaken.

'_**It will be okay Pepper. We will get through this. I promise.' **_

'_**I don't know how. I feel like I'm in this alone.'**_

'_**You're not alone. I'm here. See, I'm right here. I'm not leaving you to do this on your own.'**_

'_**Will you stay tonight…just tonight? I can't…I just can't…'**_

She shook her head as she breezed past him, "Nevermind."

"No...No...No. You aren't getting out of this. Pepper!"

He followed her as quickly as he could. His mind was swirling trying to come up with reasons. What she might be talking about. She was in the guest room already throwing clothes in a suitcase when he came in. "Where are you going?"

"You wanted me to leave? You got your wish. I'm leaving."

"What were you going to tell me? Tell me. Say it. Were you fucking some guy behind my back? Do you hate me? Did you ever love me? Did you…" he stopped when his eyes drifted over to the night stand. One single item that could change his perspective on things. Something that caused his heart to beat wildly in his chest. Something that made him cross the room in seconds. He picked up the book and held it tightly in his hands. His eyes swept over the title five times as if he didn't understand the words correctly, _What to Expect When You're Expecting_. Holy Shit.

The secret. The one thing that he feared the most in his pathetic adventure as a man was fatherhood. Would he be like his father? That seemed to be the million dollar question that speared his mind every time he and Pepper were out at the mall or the market and they would pass a baby in a stroller. Pepper's eyes would brighten and her smile would grow times ten. Of course, how could he _not_ think of it? He was planning on spending his life with her. At some point or another, the possibility of parenthood would come up. He just never assumed it would come up…now. Right now, of all times to come up. _Now?_

'_Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.' _

He ran his hand down his face before setting the book back on the nightstand. He should have known, but how could he? He was tucked away in his room all day letting her bring him food, water, and the _damn_ paper. He never once asked how she was, how she was feeling during all of this, and now, all of a sudden…this one detail. Seeing this book would change his life forever. Was she planning on telling him? She said there hadn't been enough time…but his accident had been almost thirteen weeks ago. He never looked at her when she came in to bring his food. He had been missing the changes in her body. The only thing he had noticed were the fullness in her hips when he was 'checking' her out a moment ago. '_Fucking moron_.'

"Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself when you fell earlier?"

He looked over in her direction, but never looked _at_ her. Shame filled him to the point of bursting. He wasn't about to face her with the same face, the same mouth that had just asked her if she was _fucking another man._ No, he didn't think he could bring himself to face her right now. She sat down on the bed heavily, "I'm fine."

Fine. He hated that word. In a woman's vocabulary it meant: _'I don't want to talk about it. I'm pissed at you. Say one more word- I might kill you in your sleep.'_

He dared to rest his gaze on her as she lay back on the bed. Her arms lifted above her head, tangled in her hair as tears rolled down the sides of her face. _'You fucking moron. You did this to her.' _He could see it now…how her stomach was beginning to round out. Suddenly there were flashes that appeared in his head of him massaging her feet when she is eight months pregnant, planning the nursery together after finding out the sex of the baby, and picking out names. Names for _their_ child. Would it be a beautiful little girl with red hair or a little boy with his stubbornness that was determined to change the world? He smirked, but it quickly faded as his reality hit. What was he going to do when she had a two am craving for something forty miles away? How could he protect his family like this? How could he do anything when he was trapped in this _thing_?

"I know what you're thinking Tony."

Her eyes were closed as she rubbed her forehead. Her bandage tinged pink in a few places. The glass was still in the hallway…waiting to be cleaned up. A mess that needed to be cleaned up. Something for him to do away from this room. He sighed as he backed away from the nightstand. "Maybe."

"Where are you going?"

"Out for a drive."

"Funny."

"Yea," he said as he left the room without another word. She wiped a few tears away and sat up catching a reflection of herself in the mirror. What had happened to her? She sighed and grabbed a handful of clothes from her suitcase. '_Time to return to the living Pepper.' _She headed for the bath. There wasn't any sense of rushing her leaving him. _'Right?' _After all that they had been through…was there any point to leaving him after all. Technically, she had got what she wanted. Tony…home with her, safe, but it was at the cost of his happiness. She made a mental note to add specificity into her prayers every night before bedtime.

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He could hear the bath water running in her room. He bit his lip as he tried to dry the floor and sweep the glass and ceramic fragments off the ground. It was difficult at first, but he was doing fine_. 'See, not a cripple.' _Whatever. He smiled sadly.

'_**Would you still love me if I had only one eye?'**_

'_**What kind of question is that Tony?'**_

'_**I'd love you if you only had one eye.'**_

_**She laughed, 'I would love you if you only had one eye.'**_

'_**What about a peg leg?'**_

'_**I'm sensing a pattern.'**_

'_**Seriously.'**_

'_**Of course Tony. No matter what you look like or how many appendages you're missing. I would still love you.'**_

'_**What if…'**_

'_**Tony…go to sleep.'**_

He carefully put the fragments into the trash bag on his lap. His gaze shifted down at his legs, "I plan on walking again, so don't get too comfortable."

He sighed as he made his way back to the kitchen. He should make her something to eat. He peered at the stove unsure. He could do this. If she believed in him to start living…why couldn't he? What exactly was holding him back? _'It's not the chair'_, he thought as he tossed the sack into the trash. She deserved something in return. Maybe he could start out with small things…work up into huge things. That was…if she stayed long enough.

'_**Pepper?'**_

'_**Yes, Tony?' **_

'_**You promise?' **_

'_**Are you planning on maiming yourself?'**_

'_**Pepper..." **_

'_**I promise with all my heart. I will love you…no matter what.'**_

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End file.
